How To Avoid Being The Recipient Of L.A. Douchebaggery

The Urban Dictionary describes Douchebaggery as:

1) The philosophy held by douchebags, holding that no one other than themselves (or perhaps their close associates) matters in the least bit, and thus that other human beings can and should be treated like complete excrement for little or no reason (and often for selfish reasons). Closely related to fascism, which has been practiced by control freaks such as Adolf Hitler.  

2) The act of putting this philosophy into practice.

The following is an example of some profound L.A. douchebaggery (which is a particular subset of the standard douchebaggery).

Our tale begins at the L.A. Farmer’s Market, a place I’ve been going to for many years. It is a permanent haven of glorious foods and beverages. An L.A. landmark, to be sure. It’s a great meeting place for friends or casual business associates, for drinks, music or a place to read or write. Sadly, it’s next to the far newer outdoor mall-from-Hell known as The Grove. In truth, The Grove is more than a mall. It’s a malignant tumor both culturally, artistically and socially. But let’s not delve any deeper into that today. Suffice it to say that I think of the Farmer’s Market as being far less trendy than its neighboring Grove (though the trendy types do accidentally wander in from time to time, their inner GPS momentarily failing to warn them of the bewildering landscape ahead). The atmosphere is definitely more bohemian at the Farmer’s Market and social status seems far less relevant there somehow (as a result, those rare, disoriented souls almost always find their way rather quickly to the nearest exit and return from whence they came).

Here are the events I experienced today, on this seemingly ordinary sunny Southern California morn, of a particular douchebag who laid claim to the Farmer’s Market as his own personal stomping ground:

I arrive at the Farmer’s Market with my dog Gus. I sit down at an empty table. There’s what looks to be an old discarded newspaper on the table. I’m waiting for a friend. I’m early. I take a seat at the table and settle in. I read my book for a while, work on the computer, check email. After about 20 minutes, my friend arrives. She grabs us some coffee and we talk for about 10 minutes. Ironically, our discussion centers around how some folks in L.A. don’t know how to interact with other human beings in a respectful, healthy manner, how L.A. oftentimes attracts some pretty dysfunctional people who seem to have an overwhelming disregard for others (see douchebaggery above).

As if on cue, a young man walks up to our table and places his plastic cup of bright red juice down on it and proclaims that this is, in fact, his table. He says it in such a way that both my friend and I are a bit confused, but he doesn’t seem to be aggressive or crazy. Maybe this is just where he usually sits. He takes a piece of the newspaper and starts to read it standing up. I tell him to feel free to take the entire paper and he informs me that this newspaper is his. Then he goes to a nearby occupied table, asks the folks sitting there if he can use their free chair, they say yes and he brings it over to our table and sits down and stares at us. I inform him that I have been sitting there for nearly half an hour and he, unwilling to leave, informs me that he got there first and thought leaving the newspaper there was enough to let people know that this table was taken. I tell him that many people leave discarded newspapers on tables when they are done and, since no one was sitting here but me for the past half hour, that there was no reason I should have assumed this table was taken.

I should say, at this point, that the table next to us was empty. He could have sat mere inches away from where he had placed his newspaper down in what was clearly a failed social experiment. But instead, he opts to try and intimidate us out of there by simply being an entitled prick. He could have even asked us to move, which would have been weird, but at least friendly, respectful. He could have explained that he worked at the establishment that this table was in front of and would really appreciate us letting him sit there (and no, the table was not reserved for patrons of that establishment). In fact, there were a million ways this guy could have handled this situation as a decent human being with some measure of tolerance and respect for others. But instead, he acted as if he’d been wronged. As if we’d sat there with complete disregard for him, as if it were a personal “Fuck You.” My friend and I did move to the other table as we really didn’t want to make a scene over a table (though I was tempted). We did, however, talk extra loudly about how there are so many douchebags in L.A. and how the guy at the next table was the perfect example of why this town can suck.

Yes, I do know that there are many good people in L.A. Yes, there are douchebags to be found in every corner of the globe. But somehow this guy walking up and vomiting his dysfunction all over two strangers enjoying coffee and conversation in the moment that we were discussing such matters and how they pertain to L.A. life and lifestyle, seemed just a bit too coincidental for me not to question it as a message from the universe, if the universe is inclined to send such messages. In truth, I don’t believe the universe is so inclined, but events like this make me question my own beliefs.

L.A. may not lay claim of ownership to douchebaggery, but they do have their own specific breed of them and the town does seem to be a magnet of sorts for such reptilian creatures.

For the record and as a sort of “public-service”, I feel the need to share that the establishment this individual represents is known as The Barber Shop Club. I cannot say what the other employees of this establishment are like. They may well all be extremely nice individuals with a great respect for others. But based on this one unpleasant soul, I would say to any self-respecting individual with expectations of being treated even remotely as a human being (if I were to be asked) to take your chances elsewhere and to actively avoid such an establishment and warn friends and loved ones to do the same. Unless, of course, you are the adventurous type and want to possibly come face-to-face with a real, live, honest-to-goodness douchebag. But be warned, they are more tolerable from a distance.

Nuclear Responses: Two Sides Of The Same Coin

Let’s see, after decades of trying to get the people “in charge” to rid the world of nuclear energy and replace it with other forms of energy as well as putting both time and money into developing newer, safer forms of energy, we find ourselves in the midst of the greatest global nuclear disaster since Hiroshima and Nagasaki. And that’s on top of a country already decimated by a massive earthquake and tsunami.

So what are some of the experts here in America saying about all this? Well, let’s start with everyone’s favorite expert on all things dangerous, Rush Limbaugh:

“Which is the bigger problem: Japan’s reactors, or our over-reactors in the news media? The media wants a disaster in Japan. These people are looking for disaster. They want disaster upon disaster. They want the nuclear meltdown. They want the Japanese syndrome, if you will. They want this stuff… this is just the wanton spreading of fear.”

Rush also used this “occasion” to put down President Obama. Surprise, surprise…

So while Limbaugh is underplaying the danger of the scenario in Japan, let’s here from the other extreme side of the coin, which is Harvey Wasserman of Nukefree.org, who also uses this opportunity to bash Obama. At least these two “experts” can agree on something:

Now I remember attending the No Nukes Rallies in 1979 in New York City, so my desire to see a nuclear-free world has been with me since my teens. And, at various points in my life, I have been quite vocal about it. However, and it’s sad to admit, at other times I have been altogether silent, complacent.

So it will be interesting to see if what’s taking place now will ultimately be a wake-up call for the world, or whether we all choose to hit the snooze button once again.

Kubrick’s FEAR AND DESIRE. The L.A. Screening

After a lifetime of waiting, I was finally able to catch up with a screening of Stanley Kubrick’s infamous first narrative feature film FEAR AND DESIRE. Made at the youthful age of 23, after having shot and directed a few short documentaries and having been a photographer for LOOK magazine for a number of years, Stanley Kubrick embarked on what would turn out to be the beginning of a lifelong passion. Today, FEAR AND DESIRE is best known as the film Stanley Kubrick didn’t want anyone to see.

Rumors persist that Kubrick tracked down prints, as well as the negative, and had them burned. Not true. Or so says Eastman House Motion Picture Curator Caroline Frick Page. Turns out Kubrick never owned the rights to the film, but did request on numerous occasions –and quite adamantly– that Eastman House not show the print of the film residing in their permanent collection. But now that Kubrick has passed on to the world beyond (the infinite?), Eastman House seems to be a bit more open to screening their print. Though don’t expect to see much of it as this is, apparently, the only known surviving 35mm print in the world. Some (though not all) of the negative has been found and, according once again to the very gracious and articulate Caroline Frick Page, a collaboration may soon be undertaken to restore FEAR AND DESIRE for wider public consumption, though nothing official is as yet in the works.

What to say about the film itself… Well, it’s easy to understand why Kubrick felt this production to be amateurish and why he was embarrassed by it. At least when viewed beside his other works. However… while it is true that the acting is at times quite bad (and at other times quite passable or, at least, fascinating), and the script rather portentous and amateur, the visuals are nothing shy of a feast. Shot by Kubrick himself, the black and white photography is stunning and the compositions exceptionally potent. The editing isn’t always as strong as it could be, but there are times when it is oddly effective and certainly the inception of concepts to come. But it’s the imagery that is without question the film’s strongest element and more than enough of an excuse for seeing this first narrative work by one of the world’s master filmmakers.

And while there’s no fixing the script, the themes and concepts explored are ones that Kubrick would return to repeatedly in his later work. This is, as well as the visuals, another strong argument for the film being seen. Add to this actor/director Paul Mazursky’s acting debut (a very strange and disturbing performance) and I truly think the argument to show the film outweighs Kubrick’s desire to have it hidden. At the same time, part of me wants to honor Kubrick’s wishes, while the other part of me is just thrilled beyond measure that Eastman House chose to screen this print. As a filmmaker and film-lover, seeing FEAR AND DESIRE was and is a rather big moment in my ongoing experience of cinema. It is also a fantastic insight into the early creative mind of a filmmaker who helped sculpt how I see cinema and opened artistic doors for me that I didn’t even know existed. And despite its many flaws and imperfections, FEAR AND DESIRE is a film worth seeing. And one that sticks with you (at least it did me). Kubrick once said that film should be more like music than like fiction. Well, FEAR AND DESIRE may not be Kubrick’s master composition, but it certainly shows an artist who had already formed that notion very early on, regardless of whether or not he was aware of it at the time.

The screening at the Egyptian Theatre in Hollywood was followed by a Q&A with Paul Mazursky and Eastman House’s Caroline Frick Page. Below you will find audio for that Q&A (not professionally recorded, but quite listenable nonetheless). Please note that several Melies shorts were shown before FEAR AND DESIRE and are referenced in the Q&A. The Q&A is presented in three parts:

Below is an audio segment from an interview with Stanley Kubrick done in 1966. In this segment, Kubrick discusses the making of FEAR AND DESIRE and his feelings about the film:

An Evening At Pee-Wee’s Playhouse

Pee-Wee’s back and his magical world is as welcome as ever. Paul Reubens has returned to Puppet Land with many of his old friends by his side. Originally slated for the Henry Fonda Theatre in Hollywood, overwhelming advance ticket sales forced the gang to find a larger venue. Still small enough to be intimate, the Club Nokia Theater in downtown Los Angeles served as an odd but serviceable setting for what is a night of huge belly-laughs and pure joy.

The bizarre and futuristic environment of the Staples Center/Nokia Theater complex served as a slightly confusing intro to the youthful innocence of Pee-Wee’s world. But within seconds of Mr. Herman taking the stage, the glitz, neon and sweeping spotlights of the world outside quickly faded from memory. Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, with its bright colors and dream-like characters, quickly embraced us all and carried us lovingly and delicately away.

Working from the basics of his original Groudlings stage show (which aired on HBO back in 1981), Reubens has modified the humor to include some contemporary references. And they all work as seamlessly as if they had been part of the original show. Sadly, with Phil Hartman no longer with us, the character of Captain Carl was sadly absent from the proceedings. In a Q&A after the show Reubens shared how he just couldn’t see anyone else stepping into that role. So he chose to keep Captain Carl a cherished memory rather than recast the part.

But back for more fun is John Moody as Mailman Mike, Lynne Marie Stewart as Miss Yvonne, and the always lovable John Paragon as the mysterious and jovial Jambi. The rest of the cast and crew do a breathtaking job of bringing the Playhouse world to life. Particularly the lovely and talented Lori Allen as the voice of Chairry (among others), one of the most beloved characters in Puppetland. And wait till you see the Chairry and Pee-Wee musical dance number (yes, that’s right, I said dance number) that is a downright show-stopper.

After the show, I had the privilege of hanging in the VIP lounge and meeting some of the cast. It was a treat, to say the least, enhanced by the colorful setting of Club Nokia’s bizarre fourth floor. After that, we attended a Q&A with Reubens that was as entertaining as the show itself. Sharp and full of biting wit, Reubens –both comfortable and articulate– engaged the crowd with relish. He was extremely funny as well as sincere, and his genuine appreciation and gratitude for the fans that have stuck around was downright moving, both for Reubens and those of us in the audience. It was great to learn of some of the scenes that had been cut from the show, in part for financial reasons and in part to make the show a tad more “kid-friendly.” Gone is a scene referencing medical marijuana and Pee-Wee’s fear that it will lead him straight to heroin. Probably for the best, I think. While the show still references some adult themes, most, if not all of them, will soar right over the kiddies’ heads. Including an active left hand sporting an “abstinence ring.”

There’s rumor of a Broadway run, which would be wonderful. The Los Angeles run ends this Sunday and, if you can, I urge you to go. There are still some Standing Room Only tix. Don’t worry, the place is small enough that you won’t miss a thing.

As for me, I attended the show on the heels of a nasty flu and, after having pumped myself full of several different medications throughout the week, I can say with all certainty that an evening spent with Pee-Wee Herman and his Playhouse friends was above and beyond the best medicine I could have had for what ailed me. Two days later, I am still floating on air.

I was, and still am, the luckiest boy in the world.

Laika 2: Electric Bugaloo. Russians Sending Monkeys To Mars

Looks like the Russians are set to eject another animal into space. Back in 1957, they put Laika, a dog, into orbit. Laika died several hours later, presumably from stress and overheating (though the Russians initially reported that she lived for several days. The truth finally came out in 2002).

Now they’re looking at sending a monkey to Mars. They were planning on sending cosmonauts, but decided that “given the length of the flight to Mars, and given the cosmic rays for which we don’t have adequate protection over such a long trip, discussions have focused recently on sending an ape instead of a person.”

Hmmm… Animal rights activists, are you listening?

The monkey will be fed and cared for by an accompanying robot (an Incredible Journey for the new millennia?). This is assuming the monkey lives long enough to be cared for. While I understand the need and desire for space exploration (I’m a big fan), I’m not sure that we should be making judgments about which life is more expendable. Unless we’re planning on making Mars the new Planet Of The Apes. I mean, heck, if it’s gonna be a new home world for our simian friends, then maybe there’s an argument to be made. Otherwise, if it’s important enough to do and it’s for mankind, then it should be important enough to risk human lives (volunteering humans, that is). At least this time, unlike in Laika’s day, the monkey’s being given a round trip ticket. But it sounds very possible only the robot will return in “working’ order. The European Space Agency claims that the mission would take approximately 520 days (a year and a half).

This is, of course, not the first time the Russians have sent apes into space. The Russians first put monkeys into orbit back in 1983.

Cornelius, Caesar, where are you when we need you?

Eagle Crow Owl’s New OLIVE & SUN SONG vids!

Filmmaker/video artist Caren McCaleb adds two more AMAZING vids to her EagleCrowOwl Youtube channel. Both are extraordinary. The first is another in a long line of gorgeous shorts based around her always surprising and beautiful daughter, Olive. This is one of my faves to date. It expands beyond Olive and takes in a household’s moods, vibes and experiences. It is the world Olive inhabits. And as a regular visitor to that particular habitat, I can attest to its authenticity!

The next is also another in a long line of bizarre, beautiful and haunting shorts dedicated to the inner and outer glow that is Caren McCaleb. Dance, light and shadows mix together once again to create a brilliant tapestry that somehow manages to touch those places hidden and secret, the fears and desires of the subconscious, lovingly created in stunning detail through McCaleb’s ever-growing technological pallette.

Craig Ferguson Figures Out Why Everything Sucks

I consider this post to be a companion piece to my post from earlier this week, DIY Plastic Surgery? WTF?

Craig Ferguson, as his cold-open for the Late Late Show on Tuesday night, discussed America and the world’s obsession with youth and the extremes they go to in order to obtain/maintain. While this pre-monologue is certainly partly amusing, it is also fairly serious and not far off the mark.

And while we’re at it, here’s another serious and extremely heartfelt monologue Ferguson gave in 2007 about Britney Spears, alcoholism and his own 15 years sober. It is quite personal and extremely unusual for a late night host. But this is one of the many reasons I enjoy Ferguson’s show and Ferguson himself. He’s easily the funniest guy on late night, but he is also the most sincere.

Banned Sprite Ad Not Real

It was fun while it lasted. Heck, it’s STILL fun! Turns out that the ad was just a spec and not in any way commissioned or condoned by the makers of SPRITE. The ad was done by New York City-based director Max Issacson.

John Jones IV, the gentleman who appears in the “commercial” stated:

“The funny thing is, it’s a spec commercial–it’s not even real.”

Well, you certainly got my attention. And the attention of many others! Despite everything going on in the world, my post yesterday showcasing the ad turned out to be one of my busiest ever.

I guess the old saying that sex sells is still as true as ever.

Though the vid was pulled from youtube, as of this writing, it can be seen HERE.

DIY Plastic Surgery? WTF?

What a twisted, backwards world we live in. And here at what oftentimes feels like the epicenter of all things artificial (although I hear Brazil is giving us a run for our money), I see the distorted, mutant faces of all those men and women who have either A). covered all the mirrors in their homes or B). Have gone completely blind and can’t see that they look like something out of a Todd Browning film!

Unless you’ve been horribly disfigured in an accident or have some part of your body that is already deformed (and don’t misuse that word!), stop with the plastic surgery! It’s depressing and unnatural and, worse, frightens the children. Have you ever stood close to one of these people? It’s like talking to an animated mannequin that got damaged on the conveyer belt. It’s creepy. Like walking around Comic-Con at 3:30 in the morning.

And now people are performing (or trying) plastic surgery on themselves at home! Good Morning America just interviewed some woman named Mary who bought syringes and some personal lubricant which she injected into her face and lips!

I know!

Of course it didn’t work and she got an infection and her face inflamed and it cost her more in doctor’s bills to try and repair the damage than it would have if she had gone to a doctor and had it done “professionally.”

I’m appalled and horrified by this craze of fighting age to the point of self-mutilation. So far as I’m concerned, even when a doctor does it, it’s mutilation. I can’t tell you how many stunning movie stars have been reduced to Joker look-alikes in the past few years. It breaks my heart. And when ordinary, everyday people do it, it seems almost worse. But no matter whether or not you’re famous or anonymous, the whole thing reeks of fear and desperation. Probably why it’s such a popular pastime in L.A. Fear and desperation are our two major driving forces.

You’re all certainly giving Lon Chaney a run for his money.

*Vomit bags sold separately

Germany Bans Sexually Explicit SPRITE Commercial

I’ve worked in casting for 17 years. And I’ve helped cast a lot of commercials. And every once in a while I work on a commercial for overseas. And it seems almost every time I work on a German commercial, it has a strong sexual theme that would never see the light of day in America. I’m talking some pretty graphic stuff.

But it seems someone has finally made a commercial that was even too explicit for the Germans. This one has been banned. Check it out: