DIY Plastic Surgery? WTF?

What a twisted, backwards world we live in. And here at what oftentimes feels like the epicenter of all things artificial (although I hear Brazil is giving us a run for our money), I see the distorted, mutant faces of all those men and women who have either A). covered all the mirrors in their homes or B). Have gone completely blind and can’t see that they look like something out of a Todd Browning film!

Unless you’ve been horribly disfigured in an accident or have some part of your body that is already deformed (and don’t misuse that word!), stop with the plastic surgery! It’s depressing and unnatural and, worse, frightens the children. Have you ever stood close to one of these people? It’s like talking to an animated mannequin that got damaged on the conveyer belt. It’s creepy. Like walking around Comic-Con at 3:30 in the morning.

And now people are performing (or trying) plastic surgery on themselves at home! Good Morning America just interviewed some woman named Mary who bought syringes and some personal lubricant which she injected into her face and lips!

I know!

Of course it didn’t work and she got an infection and her face inflamed and it cost her more in doctor’s bills to try and repair the damage than it would have if she had gone to a doctor and had it done “professionally.”

I’m appalled and horrified by this craze of fighting age to the point of self-mutilation. So far as I’m concerned, even when a doctor does it, it’s mutilation. I can’t tell you how many stunning movie stars have been reduced to Joker look-alikes in the past few years. It breaks my heart. And when ordinary, everyday people do it, it seems almost worse. But no matter whether or not you’re famous or anonymous, the whole thing reeks of fear and desperation. Probably why it’s such a popular pastime in L.A. Fear and desperation are our two major driving forces.

You’re all certainly giving Lon Chaney a run for his money.

*Vomit bags sold separately